Jen Gallacher

On the Better Side of Things

What a difficult day yesterday was. Most of the time I can keep a positive attitude and rely on my faith. But I think I've been doing so much and working so hard that I was already worn out so my protective "wall" around those very painful feelings just came crashing down and then all that pain was exposed and I felt it ALL. Any little thing would set me off crying again. And the hurt is too large to describe--so agonizingly empty. But we had to make a stop at the dentist yesterday, and I couldn't exactly fall apart there and while sitting in the chair looking out the window I knew that he wouldn't want me to be unhappy. It was a beautiful spring day, and he would want us all to celebrate him in a happier way. So I sat outside for a while afterwards and absorbed the sun and felt a great deal more peace. His passing date is in two weeks, and I'm a little bit nervous about my reaction for that as well. I hope it is better than yesterday was.

Thank you for all of your sweet e-mails and kind responses. They really do help in making me feel like it's ok to mourn him and to help me remember that he was an important part of my life and others' lives. So thank you!

I thought I'd share some of the photos we took going to his gravesite last night. Each year we put a new Clone Trooper on the back of his stone to "guard" Joey throughout the year. Joey was a huge fan of the Clone Troopers. Unfortunately last year's clone just recently disappeared. All that was left was a little helmet. There is writing on the back of his stone that has special significance for Joey and his Dad and is perfectly appropriate for the clone guarding his stone. It was a great experience being there. We typically find little toys from other visitors. I have no idea who they are, but it always means a great deal. You can see a little car on top of his stone in the second photo.