Wednesday, January 27, 2010

WOW I'm Feeling "Fearless"

So the dynamic Miss Ali Edwards challenged her blog readers to select a word to describe the year they'd like to have. I chose "fearless." As someone who suffers from social anxiety, I've let my anxiety hold me back and keep me from many things. It's a strange dichotomy. I LOVE people and hanging out with people and doing things with people, but I'm TERRIFIED of what people think or how I will appear, which then causes panic attacks. It's been frustrasting on good days and devastating on bad days.

So this year I'm going to be FEARLESS--able to accept changes, take risks, embrace my fears, and try things that have scared me in the past. Last year I was able to face one of them--flying. I haven't flown since 2000 or 2001 when I had a horrible panic attack on the airplane. After that I just couldn't justify a trip that would make me feel so sick. In fact it took quite a while to recover. But last year I went with my husband back to Savannah on a PLANE. And I survived! I would even say that I didn't do too horribly--I was quite calm and was able to both read and nap on the plane and not feel anxiety before or after the flight. That was a huge step for me, and it gave me hope of trying other things.

Combine that with my desire to do BIG things, and I'm trying new things.

So in my effort to meet one of my big ideas, I'm doing a little thing. I'm studying math again. I was always a good student. I like rules and measurements and try to meet and even exceed them. And most of the time I was able to quickly grasp concepts. But that changed in Sixth Grade when I started falling behind in math. Because I had always been the "smart one" I was afraid to ask anyone for help. And although I still did quite well, I wasn't grasping the subject matter as completely any more. So as I slowly moved through Junior High and High School, I was getting by. My grades really didn't reflect it. No one panics about a B+, but for someone that typically got it--I really wasn't getting it any more.

So I'm going back to Sixth Grade. Woohoo!!

I bought some math workbooks for the Sixth Grade level, and I'm doing a little bit every night to review. My kids think I'm weird. My thirteen year old gives me strange looks (personally I think she's afraid I'll show up to one of her Junior High math classes--wouldn't that be fun!). But I'm so excited to learn again, to see if I'm capable of grasping the concepts that once slipped through my fingers. I think I am. I think I CAN do this!

Getting older means not being afraid to confess things, like "I'm afraid" or "I don't get it." (And I am getting older.)

I'm trying new things. Like learning digital scrapbooking, which is the "WOW" part of my post. It amazes me how hard something is to learn when you first start. And digital scrapbooking scared the pants off me (again--the fear), but now that I take chances and play around and exhaust every free class and tutorial I can find I am learning it's not all the scary.

Today on the Scrapbook Trends Blog, I have a "Work It Out Wednesday" posted. It's on recoloring a digital item. I think this is one of the COOLEST things you can do with digital scrapbooking because it means purchasing one item and then having the capability to make it work with any color you want. So AWESOME!!

Here's the completed layout:




(Supplies: Kate Teague’s photo corner from the “Line Em’ Up the Extras” kit by www.twopeasinabucket.com; Carina Gardener’s single stitch from the “Elemen-tary Stitches 1″ kit by www. twopeasinabucket.com; Katie Pertiet “dream” overlay from the “All You Need Overlays” kit by www.designerdigitals.com; Ali Edwards’ “today you” brush from the “Everyday” kit by www.designerdigitals.com; The Queen of Quirks “Paper 9″ and “Paper 11″ and “Paper 6″ from the “Monkey Do” kit by www.twopeasinabucket.com; Taylormade Creative Outlet Number 1 “template” by www.paisleepress.com; Michelle Martin’s “Lolly 1″ and “Lolly 2″ and “Lolly 6″ from the “Lolly” kit by www.designerdigitals.com)


It really wasn't that hard at all.

Are you participating in Ali's challenge? What word would you select to describe your 2010?

9 comments:

  1. Good for you Jen!! KUDOS for choosing the word FEARLESS and getting back on an airplane. :-) I keep thinking about my word and still haven't decided. It will probably take me until Summertime to decide. LOL! Have a great day!!

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  2. Way to go girl! When you are fearless the sky is the limit. My husband (wise one he is) reminds me that FEAR is False Expectations Appearing Real. I will never forget that. I want to try digital. What free tutorials do you recommend? I think my word would be Rejoice. Thanks. Love your blog.

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  3. Woo hoo, well done. I am impressed with your digital layout, I really should give it a try, not sure if it's fear or lazyness holding me back ;-).

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  4. SO proud of you girl... once again you've proven yourself to be an inspiration. ;) My word this year is Fulfillment... This is the year I fulfill my obligations as a money earner in my family, I will fulfill my calling to the occupation God's chosen for me, and I will fulfill my own personal goals of a firm tum tum and a new kitchen floor. ha! Weird, but totally serious. ;)

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  5. jen, sweetie....i had no idea you suffered from panic attacks. (((HUGS))). so proud of you for trying with all your might to be fearless. :o)

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  6. Jen,

    I'm with you. I also suffer panic attacks for many "fears" so you have inspired me to be FEARLESS also. What a wonderful year it will be if I am not afraid! Praying for a great year for us both!

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  7. i always love checking into your blog. your thoughts resonate with me and i love your cute scrapbook pages. i used to scrapbook, but i can barely blog...let alone print, cut, create etc. not to mention blogging costs nothing, which is a welcomed characteristic of a hobby these days. :)but i still feel very inspired by your creativity and what you share.
    i love that you chose "fearless" as your word. about ten years ago i had an epiphany and essentially had the same idea, but my word was "pride". it was amazing how much i was held back when i stopped and analyzed why i did or didn't do things. i grew a lot that year.
    i think year i'll choose another word. i'll have to think about it... :) thanks again for sharing the idea and thoughts. oh, and i LOVE that you are doing math! that's awesome!

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  8. Anonymous11:13 AM

    Hi Jennifer,
    I suffer from social anxiety too. You described it so well; thanks for that. Hope the word approach will work for both of us. :)

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