Sunday, April 22, 2007

Good days and bad days . . .

Believe me. I'm grateful. I have MUCH to be grateful for. Having Joey in our own home and having my two other beautiful children is a huge blessing because after literally months in the hospital it was often days before I would see or talk to my children. I hated being away from any of them. It just doesn't feel right when we are separated. I am also blessed by those who have touched our lives and lifted our spirits during these dark days. I obviously have more blessings than I can count.

But we have bad days too. It might be because my husband and I are tired from staying up with Joey (one of us sleeps in his room every night to care for his needs and administer medicine). Or it might be that Joey battled pain more than usual. Or like today that he lived for that next dose of medicine that helps him sleep. And also today, the idea that he might have developed a tooth infection. Why more things on top of already tough things? It was too much for my husband and I today.

On days like today, we cry. We have our "why" moments, and we pray for added strength. I am working on being more positive and having more faith. I know he is in the Lord's hands, but that doesn't always mean that the Lord will lift our entire burden. I know that He is sustaining us. I feel that, but I am still human and my husband is still human. And sometimes it just hurts so much.

Today was a tough day. Tomorrow is going to be tough too. Tomorrow the nurse comes to change his dressings and he hates that. And tomorrow we have to load him into the van for radiation and he worries about that. And tomorrow my husband goes back to work, and I will miss his strength.

It will be all right. I WILL be all right. I will get through this. I will NOT miss a moment with Joey because I'm feeling sorry for myself. I will be stronger and maybe tomorrow or the tomorrow after that will be a better day.

Some days are good days too!

21 comments:

  1. *HUGS*

    I know you don't know me, but I've been so touched by your story.

    *HUGS*

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  2. So sorry you are going through this!
    I have followed your story at 2ps and at your blog...all I can do is offer my positive thoughts to you and your family.... ((((HUGS)))))

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  3. wishing you many good days from now on. And yes you are only human so please accept the fact that you can be angry and hurt, you have every right too to feel that. Keep up the faith.

    corinnexxx

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  4. I cannot imagine what you are going through! Your story just breaks my heart. I know you are being strong for your little man and your other children....just be good to YOU as well! Take care of yourself......allow yourself the feelings....hard as that surely must be. I am offering up my love and support to you and want you to know that you will be daily in my thoughts and prayers. I pray you will have the strength to get thru each day and that you will feel a peace that passes all understanding as you do so. A peace that comes only from God.
    God Bless You!
    Sherry

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  5. i just am so touched by all your words of encouragement.. wow.. you are such a strong woman.. i just want to lift you up to the LORD and take this burden from you.. I am keeping you, Joey and your family in my day to day thoughts and my prayers.. God bless you Jen..

    tonya

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  6. Jen...my heart hurts for you. And Joey. You are a strong woman and I will pray for strength for you and your husband.

    Sincerely,
    Roxann

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  7. Prayers going up for you and your family, Jen! Big (((hugs))) and know that I am thinking of you!

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  8. praying for you & your family that the Lord will continue to strengthen you & pour out His grace! :)

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  9. Moment by moment, I'm sending you and your family strength and love. Even when you're woozy with emotional exhaustion, keep that faith that is so apparant in your posts. Know that we're spiritually with you every day, and so is He.

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  10. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you...

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  11. I am just another schmuck following your story and wishing you well. I think you are doing a bangup job with the hand you been dealt!

    I also think you should take some of that money us peas donated and hire a cleaning service to come and clean your house top to bottom so that is one less thing you have to worry about this week.

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  12. Although you don't know me, I pray for you and your family. I pray that you continue to find the faith and love to get you through this difficult time. Lots of hugs go your way!

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  13. My prayers and positive thoughts are headed your way. I wish that you didn't have to see your son sick. I have two boys and I know how hurt I would be to see them in pain. I pray that the Lord gives you and your husband strength, gives you rainbows through the storm and heals your son.

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  14. Ditto the cleaning service, Jen. Spend some of that money on something to lift yourself.

    Praying for you, and thinking about you daily.

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  15. Jen, I'm so sorry you and your family have to go through this. I've heard it said that God will make up for all our pain, sorrow and losses. I really believe He will. Hang on to your faith...it will see you through everything. You're an example to us all...

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  16. I'm praying for you and your family.

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  17. God bless you, Joey, and your entire family. Peace be with you.

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  18. I think of you and your family and you continue to be in my prayers. I usually post on the NSBR. I've been checking the Pub for updates and your blog. My heart goes out to you and your family. I just wanted to let you know you, your family and Joey are in my thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))

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  19. Hugs and more hugs for you, Jen. I pray for Joey and your family every day. I can't stop t hinking about you all and your strength as you face this and can't imagine how hard it is for you. We are having some of our own challenges with one of my boys and it overwhelms me at times and then I think how small it is in the grand scheme of things, you know? You and Joey - your dh and your other two cuties - absolutely amaze me and I will continue to pray that God gives you strength and more and more good days.....

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  20. My heart aches for you.

    Please know I am thinking about you and praying for you, your husband, Joey and your family and friends.

    I am so sorryou you are having tough days.

    What a positive person you are.

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  21. jen, i know you don't know, me but i am a friend of sandy's. i had a daughter who battled cancer about 5 years ago, and i can understand what you are going through. being away from your other kids is definitely a hard thing to do, because you don't want them to feel neglected in all of this. but kids are resilient and you will get through this latest struggle. i know that a lot of people are praying for you. good luck.

    Liz T

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