Today is the Day
All night I had nightmares that I had to have a colonoscopy, and I was so scared. I kept waking up and telling myself it was just a bad dream. I think I was thinking about Joey and remembering some of his medical procedures, and the two made a strange connection. I am worried about today. I mentioned that in my last post. I almost feel like a storm is brewing, and I can't stop it and I don't know what it will be like or when it will hit. Perhaps it won't. Perhaps by keeping busy today it won't hit at all. That would be nice.
This morning I received a message from a woman who lost her little man just two weeks ago. My heart aches for her and her husband. When the pain is that fresh you wonder how you will get up the next morning. How you will make it through the day all the while crying and hurting and aching. You cannot see a week ahead and sometimes not even a day. You wonder how you're supposed to live without your child. No one hands you a handbook on how to survive the loss of a loved one. Even if they did it wouldn't necessarily apply to you because everyone's grief is so personal, so unique. My heart goes out to this sweet woman and all who are in the midst of the lonely place of loss.
On remembering Joey, I know he wants us to be happy. He rarely ever complained about his aches and pains. He liked to see us happy and was always doing things for each of us to help us feel better. So I'm going to keep busy today and hold my breath a little and hopefully it will pass with as little pain as possible.