Monday, June 13, 2011

Because You Might Not Understand

I don't get angry a lot. But I do get frustrated and sad sometimes. And when I went to visit my son's grave just a few days after Memorial day only to discover that for the third year in a row someone had stolen items from his grave, I was very frustrated and sad.

This is the resting place of my sweet, 13 year old son. This is one of the few physical monuments to his life where my husband and kids and I can somewhat still care for him. We decorate his grave with mementos, his favorite flowers, and tributes to honor him.


When you take something from him, you are stealing from my precious son.


It's not ok. You might think we won't be back to check on him or that the items we leave may have little meaning. But imagine someone taking a toy right from the hands of your small child. It isn't right. You might think you need it more than he does. Or that those things are no longer important to him. You might not realize that those efforts to honor him are some of our last connections to the life we had as his parents or his brother or sister. And when you take items from his grave, you demean our efforts and rob us of the opportunity to care for our child.


I hope you are merely unthinking, ignorant of the pain of losing a loved one. I certainly wouldn't wish that awful experience on anyone. But I can't imagine if you have lost someone, that you find it so easy to desecrate another's grave.

I hope that if your child brings something to you that doesn't belong to he or she while visiting the cemetery you take the time to explain how precious those little items are to the family and loved ones who placed them there and ask them to put it back.

Please let me have this time with my son. Please don't conjure up feelings of anger during the few times I can bring myself to visit my son in that lonely place. Please respect my son's resting place, which we selected with such thought and love and want to believe will always be safe.

Please let me have that precious, sweet time with my son with the best of feelings!

20 comments:

  1. Oh Jen...I'm so sorry someone is doing this. I wish we lived closer to give you a hug. (((HUGS)))

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  2. :( i'm so sorry sweetheart. wish i could give you a great big ((((HUG))). have you mentioned it to the groundskeepers? maybe they can help keep an eye out for this kind of nonsense.

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  3. :( I am so sorry to read of the thoughtless people out there who think it is ok to steal from your little man. I don't even know you, but I still feel for you. I hope his treasures are returned to him. Take care of yourself *hugs*

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  4. Sorry that this has happened to your family once again. You are in my prayers.

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  5. Oh Jen, I remember reading this same post last year. I simply cannot comprehend people doing this or even a parent to allow a child to keep something that has found it's way into their home after a trip to a cemetery. I remember that you talked about how you put that figurine on his gravestone and how there was something written on the back of the stone that was personal to Joey and his Dad. It's so upsetting. I wonder if you put a note there would it make people stop and think twice. I'm sorry that this has happened again. I wish that I lived closer to you so I could give you a special hug. Know that I am thinking of you and the family.

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  6. i just cannot believe this jen...i'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. you should print out your blog post, laminate it and put on your little man's resting place.

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  7. Jen, I remember you posting about this last year and I am so sorry. It is so hard to understand why someone would domthis. May your beautiful Joey's smile continue to bless you. Sending you thoughts and prayers. Fondly, Lynn

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  8. Jen, this is such a sad post and I am SO sorry that this is happening to your family. I can't believe that there are people in the world so low that they would steal something off of a grave. :( Hugs coming your way hon...
    - April

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  9. Oh Jen! I too am so very sorry!!! How disrespectful!!! Thinking of you and your family!! (((hugs)))

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  10. I am sorry thAt this has happened......I just don't understand peoples ignorance sometimes......you have every right to be mad and upset. I hope your son's treasures find their way back! Hugs to you and your family!

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  11. Bless your heart! The evil that is in the hearts of men confounds me on a regular basis. I will pray that angels surround his grave and offer up protection against evil-doers! I am so sorry. This brings tears to my eyes.

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  12. I'm so sorry about that :(. It makes me terribly sad that someone would violate ANYONE in that way. Surely it was a child who didnt think of what they were doing (who, obviously, hadn't been taught better), but like you said, if a parent sees a child leave with something they didn't come with... well, figure it out people!!!

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  13. Anonymous7:20 AM

    I'm so sorry this has happened. To do this to a child's resting place is unthinkable to me. I too hope his treasures are returned. Hugs Lisa L.

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  14. I'm so sorry Jen, it's just not right!!!

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  15. Oh Jen :( That's awful :( I cannot understand what is wrong with people sometimes. They should be ashamed of themselves!

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  16. This brought tears to my eyes. Words cannot express the sadness I feel for you. I cannot imagine what it would be like to not only lose my son, but to have his resting place disturbed. Please know that I am praying for you and your family. You are not alone in your grief. ♥

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  17. Oh girl, I'm so sorry to hear this. Some people just don't care.
    ~ danni

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  18. You always take care of your boy with your heart !
    I'm so sorry to read your post, can't imagine people is so rude.
    A kiss for you and your sweet boy.

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  19. I cannot imagine someone doing that - it's just horribly wrong. So sorry, Jen. Hugs,
    Danielle

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  20. Entiendo perfectamente tu sentimiento. Es un acto muy feo y también injusto. No obstante, el lugar que habéis creado para tu hijo es precioso.

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