Friday, October 19, 2007

Painfully Permanent

Joey's headstone has finally been placed, and I went to see it for the first time a few days ago. A part of me was just dreading it, and I knew why. I dropped Jimmy off at Preschool, Katelyn at school and then headed up to see it.

It's too real and too permanent.

I admit that a lot of my coping skills come from a form of denial where I think of Joey being at a friend's house, or at school, or at Scout camp. I think about him being only gone for a moment. I try very hard not to dwell on the idea that he is truly gone. Part of me is just not capable of accepting that he can't be with me on this earth again. I really don't know how to accept that. I want him here to touch, to talk to, to hold.

The stone is beautiful and exactly what we wanted. A true reflection of the beautiful boy that we love and miss. I just had the hardest time actually looking at it and reading the short span of life my little boy had on this earth. I want it to say many, many more days. I want it not to be there. I want to NEVER have a discussion about death again.

I thought I would share the front of the stone with you. The back holds a special tribute created by my husband, and I think I will keep that (at least for now) between he and Joey (and those who see it).

Joey's stone:

25 comments:

  1. It is a beautiful tribute to a beautiful star in everyone's life that was touched by him. Jen, I pray for you today. For peace and comfort to know that Jesus will heal.

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  2. What a beautiful stone. My dad passed away in July as the result of a motorcycle wreck. I too, kept thinking that he was just "away". Gone to the store or something, maybe at work.

    The other day I went up there to see him and his headstone had been placed as well. I just cried, because it really really meant that he was gone.

    Hugs to you and your family.

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  3. His life was truly way too short! My heart goes out to you!

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  4. What a beautiful stone. My heart hurts for you every time I read your blog, Jen. HUGS to you.

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  5. Beautiful stone. I so know what you mean, it is a slap in your face, reality. Hopefully it will get better to look at when time passes by.

    corinnexxx

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  6. You rock girl...love ya! ~~J

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  7. Jen,

    I am a fellow scrapbooker and mom and I just want to thank you for the gift of the beautiful words here on your blog. I pray for you and your family to feel God's loving arms around you during this trying time. You are so brave.

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  8. Anything I could say seems so inadequate so I will simply send hugs and healing thoughts.

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  9. As a 22 year old who's been fighting a children's cancer for 3 years, I've lost too many friends that should have been growing up normally instead of getting chemo in the hospital. I'm so sorry about your Joey- I'm sure seeing his headstone sucks, and makes the situation a whole lot more permanent and real, just like seeing my friends in their coffins.

    My heart goes out to you, Jen. Hang in there... one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, as we always say (and as it says in the kit).

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  10. It's beautiful, just as he is and you are. You continue to bless us all with your words through your blog and it's a joy to read. You're a strong woman I hope you know that. I said a prayer for you, although I don't know you and don't know the pain you're going through I am a Mother and I know it has to hurt. I lift you up to God who is the only healer that can make it better. Look to him in the coming days for your stength....Bless you for keeping it together for everyone else in your life, I admire you.

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  11. That is so beautiful Jen! Very fitting for Joey. I will go visit him when i come to see you soon k?
    Love ya girl!

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  12. Jen it's just beautiful. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. You are such a strong woman.
    Wendy Malichio

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  13. oh Jen- I wish I could just wrap you up in the biggest comforting hug - even though I know that it could not really help ease your pain. I really like the wording of "noble son and brother" That really is the sense of Joey that I get from what you have written about him and your SB LO's .

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  14. You have shared Joey in so many ways.
    You are amazing beautiful person.

    That is a wonderful tribute to Joey and he touched so many lives.

    Thank you for sharing
    Hugs

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  15. It's a beautiful stone Jen. Peace to you.

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  16. That is a beautiful headstone for his resting place. My heart goes out to you and your family.

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  17. It is a beautiful stone...the word "noble" is so apt. My heart breaks for you seeing it though.
    Hugs and prayers to you today.
    A fellow scrapper,
    Brooke

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  18. What a beautiful stone. My heart goes out to you and your family. Know that I am praying for you today. Big ((hugs))

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  19. Absolutely beautiful.
    God Bless.

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  20. What a beautiful headstone.

    I am thinking of you. HUGS!!

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  21. painfully beautiful Jen!
    thanks for sharing

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  22. it's beautiful
    *big hug to you*

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  23. God Bless You and Your Family !!!!

    ((((hugs)))) Norma

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  24. ahhhhhhhhh, jen. HUGS to you my sweet friend. what a beautiful tribute to your son. last time i was at the cemetary they hadn't yet put up the lettering on my mom's crypt, so i'm guessing i'll be experiencing these same feelings of finality once i see it.

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  25. Anonymous1:35 PM

    As a fellow scrapbooker and a mom who also lost a child, my heart aches for you. We will never be the same as a result of our losses. However, we each have other children for which we must live for until we can all be together again in heaven. God bless you and your family. Rhonda
    rkb444@yahoo.com

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